Something dramatic needs to change. Or else I will never have a boyfriend in high school.

Allison already has one. Why can't I? She had one when she was in, like, 6th grade, for Pete's sake...

Pete. Better than Christ. I don't believe in God, so why say "Christ"? Pete. Much more interesting.

I have a horrible desperate feeling again. Dammit, I hate it when I feel like this. It's so bad because there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I cannot just randomly talk to guys. And most new seating arrangements don't happen too often in the classes I want them to. *big sigh*

I also hate how the only goddamn person I can talk to isn't even a person at all, but this stupid diary. What the hell happened to "Good friends"? I need to get to know more Juniors. It's been a whole semester, and I only have gotten to know maybe 3 or 4. I know like 5 times as many Sophomores and Froshies!! My life is incredibly disappointing. Who gives a crap if you are a good kid and get good grades and don't cause trouble. YOU DON'T HAVE FUN. Especially being unknown.

Wouldn't that be horrible if people really DID notice me, but just never had the guts to talk to me? I always wonder about that.

My mom told me she wasn't too popular in high school. But then she found out at a few years ago that lots of people did like her. Plus, she told me lots of stuff she had somehow forgotten to mention, such as going to Prom with the most popular guy in school. (She said it was lame, by the way...mua ha ha haaa! But still...it means something!) She really wasn't that bad off. She had her first real boyfriend when she was a Sophomore. I'm a Junior. NOTHING. I think that I have only once in my entire life been attracted to someone who was also attracted to me at the same time. (Francisco was a hot one. Haha!) And did something about it, anyway (Gave me his #, which I never called...I'm retarded...lol). God, why do we have to hide our feelings so much? It's not THAT awkward to find out that someone likes you!!!

Of course, I am a little picky. I want someone who is looking for a long commitment. It's probably not going to last forever (guys are so needy and confusing sometimes), so when it most likely ends (although it would be great if it never did!) then I will not have a care in the world who I see. I just want my first boyfriend, kiss, etc. to be important and something I can look back on and be happy about. I don't want a funny story. I want a cute one. I just have waited for so, so long that I don't wanna be disappointed!

Anyway...I feel a little better now. I have to start my science project tomorrow and I might also tan if the sun is out (hopefully it is). And if it isn't out, maybe I'll be able to convince myself to do some Pilates for an hour or so...since most everyone will be gone...

--Gimme some sugar, I am your neighbor!

--Ash, your friendly neighborhood loner

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